“It takes a village to raise a child.” This old African proverb still holds today. But as it turns out, children aren’t the only ones who need a strong social support network. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes that social connectedness plays a vital role in boosting physical and mental health. But what exactly is social support, and how can you build a better network?
The four types of social support
Social support can be loosely defined as acts that demonstrate empathy, validation, and/or practical assistance with challenges. Your social support network consists of the people in your life who are there for you when you need them. And, in turn, you are there for them as well.
There are four different types of social support. You will feel the happiest and most fulfilled when you regularly give and receive all four:
1. Emotional
Emotional support validates your feelings. It may include a variety of actions, such as:
- Listening without judgement
- Offering sympathy
- Spending time together
- Offering hugs or other physical manifestations of support
2. Esteem
Esteem support validates your worth. Actions may include:
- Complimenting your strength or other attributes
- Expressing confidence in your ability to make the right decisions and persevere
- Pointing out your skills and talents
- Providing encouragement and motivation
3. Informational
Informational support teaches you new ways to cope. This can come in many forms, such as:
- Sharing personal experiences
- Passing along high-quality articles or studies
- Connecting you with resources such as a doctor or social services organization
- Giving advice about your situation
4. Instrumental
Instrumental support includes concrete actions such as:
- Cooking a meal for you
- Giving you a ride
- Providing childcare services
- Helping you brainstorm solutions to a problem
You may have noticed that these categories loosely overlap with the various love languages, or ways in which different people demonstrate their love for others. Everyone has their own love language and their own individual talents, and no one person can provide all four types of support all the time. Therefore, it’s important to build a diverse social support network of people with different strengths.
How to build a social support network
Most neurotypical kids tend to have an easy time making friends wherever they go. But adults have complicated lives and conflicting responsibilities, which can make it more difficult to build meaningful bonds. Fortunately, there are some things you can do.
- Join meet-up groups that revolve around shared interests
- Accept help
- Show gratitude
- Respect boundaries
- Find ways to stay connected
- Show up for others
- Know when to walk away
Reach out for social support
Even your closest friends and relatives are not mind readers. When you need support, ask for it. Many people have a natural tendency to close off during times of crisis, whether due to a fear of being a bother or simply preferring to be alone. But your loved ones want to help; doing so can build their own self-esteem and mental health, too. Let your network know what you need and show genuine appreciation when they provide it.
Sometimes your support network won’t be enough. Big crises, such as the loss of a loved one or certain mental health challenges, require more assistance than your friends and family can provide. Never hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional if you experience severe symptoms, such as uncontrollable crying or panic attacks, that last for more than a few days.